You know, Jiu Jitsu teaches how to lose. Once you have the courage to step on that tatami, everything you do by the start of your journey is losing. Only after losing so many times, can you grasp at the first points, the first sweeps, guard passes and finally even submitting an opponent. Losing is normal in Jiu Jitsu and I might even go ahead and say that it occurs more often than winning.
In the last tournament, I felt ok with losing. My opponent was better, he dominated my game and swept me off from a position that I was never ever swept until that moment. Then he blocked my escape from four supports and finished me with an arm lock. He was intelligent and had enough strenght to keep me from doing anything else. I was defeated knowing I tried and did everything in my reach to stop him, without success however.
In this last tournament, I don’t feel the same way. The roll began, he immediately pulled guard and for four times I didn’t manage to pass it. At first he didn’t close, I tried to pass, didn’t manage it. Then for three times I grabbed his right arm, stood up, opened his full guard, hugged his leg and failed miserably to pass his guard. For three times I did the same thing, instead of landing my knee of the leg which I had control and then I could go for an arc, pass his guard and stabilize, or at least try it. The knowledge was inside my head, I practiced that move just two days before the tournament, and still, I couldn’t put it in practice. After the third attempt, I got swept, he earned two points, in the middle of the struggle I felt pain in one foot, I don’t know if he did it intentionally or not because he was somehow twisting my toe, I don’t quite remember how I lost it, but I tumbled to the side and he got to my back, scoring four points, six in total. Then I managed to defend until the match was over.
I’m disappointed with myself. My pride, which I firmly believe to be small, still got back to me. I feel like I should have done so much more, have capacity for so much more, yet I was not able to perform. Both anger and sadness assailed me after my defeat, that I can surely admit. But that was on last Saturday, now I’ve dealt with it and I’m ready for more training! There’s a thought that I kept to myself, and that was, keep going. And that’s what I’m going to do!
Happy rolls everyone! Oss!